I’m a single mum & couldn’t afford to buy my son a birthday or Christmas present, it’s heartbreaking

CELEBRATING your child's birthday by finally buying them that toy they’ve been yearning for is something many mums revel in.

But Destiny Shirkhani-Walton's heart breaks every time her son's birthday nears. Because the 23-year-old single mum from Bournemouth, Dorset, cannot afford to buy Ceejay anything.

"I am wracked with guilt, self-loathing and depression about it," Destiny tells Fabulous. "A few weeks before his fourth birthday on May 6, I was chasing Ceejay around Lidl while doing the weekly food shop and my heart just sank when he discovered the toy section.

"He picked up a small Thomas The Tank Engine figurine, priced at £14.99, and said to me, ‘Please Mummy, I’ll be good. Can I please have it for my birthday? Just one thing’. He rarely asks for anything, but I couldn't afford to buy it so I told him to put it back on the shelf."

Rather than gifts, Destiny marked his birthday with a trip to the park and her mum brought him a small present and cake.

Destiny is faced with making tough choices daily while trying to do the best for her son. They sleep together in the same bedroom to keep heating costs down, and swap clothes with friends to ensure they have well-fitting items to wear.

- Give money by donating here or by scanning the QR code.

- Give clothing, toys and essentials to a baby bank, wherever you are in the UK.

- Give your time volunteering. To find your nearest baby bank, visit Littlevillagehq.org/uk-baby-banks.

"I’ve lost count of the number I’ve times I’ve had to wipe away my tears while out shopping with my son. It's utterly heartbreaking," she says.

"I regularly choose between buying a loaf of bread or topping up the electricity meter. The idea of a birthday party for Ceejay was completely out of the question, it would be too expensive."

Throwing a children's birthday party totals, on average, £320, according to a study by the UK's leading money-saving brand, Voucher Cloud. Meanwhile, parents fork out an average of £175.80 on birthday presents.

"Those figures might as well be in the millions, they are so out of reach for me," says Destiny. "I know whenever I pop to the shops, I’ll be scraping pennies together just to buy milk."

Sadly, being able to treat Ceejay isn't something new. "I speak from experience. Last Christmas I couldn't afford presents for him. Even small stocking fillers in the poundshop were out of my budget.

"My mum has been a lifesaver. I asked her not to spend any money on me and just to buy Ceejay a couple of things. That way I didn't have to explain why Santa hadn't been. In the lead up, I’d wake up in cold sweats worried about him having nothing to open. I’m already terrified about this coming Christmas."

Destiny says she has no savings, doesn't drink or smoke, and doesn't get her hair or nails done.

She adds: "I’m not complaining; I am a grafter. I just know so many mums and dads like me are living in single-parent poverty and feel ashamed to admit it.

I am wracked with guilt, self-loathing and depression about it

"It's 2023 and as a single mum I can't afford to top up my electricity meter, buy enough food to ensure I eat three times a day and buy my son presents. Sometimes I have less than a pound to get me through the week."

An exclusive poll of 2,000 mums for Fabulous’ Baby, Bank On Us campaign found that 15% can't afford to buy their children birthday presents this year, while 35% can't afford to throw a party.

Sixty-eight percent believe the cost-of-living crisis has had a detrimental effect on their mental health, while 60% say they have trouble sleeping because of money worries.

Former care worker Destiny fell pregnant with Ceejay in September 2018. "I was over the moon but Ceejay's father is not involved with his care. I don't receive any maintenance from him," she says.

I regularly choose between buying a loaf of bread or topping up the electricity meter

"I had to quit work to care for him. I didn't have maternity leave and because of childcare costs had to claim Universal Credit. Since then, I have been trying to find part-time work. Ceejay is now in nursery school three days a week for five hours a day, which is the amount every child aged three gets for free."Destiny would love to work - but she's struggling to find flexible employment. "If I go full-time I won't earn enough to pay for his full-time nursery and I don't have any family who can care for him for free. It's a terrible catch 22 situation," she says.

- Baby banks provide essential items for babies and young children whose parents are living in poverty – including nappies, wipes, clothing, bedding, Moses baskets, cots, blankets, toys and books.- There are over 200 baby banks in the UK, and they run out of shops, community centres, warehouse units and even people's living rooms and garages.- Last year 4.2 million children in the UK were living in poverty and 800,000 children lived in a household that used a food or baby bank.

"I do charity work to show my son about giving back. It also adds to my resume skills. I’m constantly applying for jobs in care work. I do a maths course once a week and next month I begin a teaching assistant course. After that I hope to be accepted to a trainee nurse program.

"I hate being on Universal Credit and want to make my little boy proud by becoming a nurse."

I hate being on Universal Credit and want to make my little boy proud by becoming a nurse

Destiny gets by on £1250 a month universal credit, which is made up of a housing allowance, jobseeker's allowance and child benefit. She pays £850 rent for a two-bedroom flat and has cut her food bill to £100 a month.

"My energy and council tax bill has gone up, as have my food bills. My Universal Credit is set to be adjusted in line with inflation but it's hard to make ends meet," she says."There are days when I don't eat or have one meal a day so Ceejay has food and heating. It's a sacrifice I am happy to make but it's wearing me down.

"To ensure I kept the lights on this summer, I have had to rely on a National Energy Action charity. You take the £140 voucher to the shops, and they put it directly onto the electric meter. I also received a £100 Household Support Fund grant."

Destiny has also had to visit a local food bank three times in the last six months, and says a baby bank would be a lifesaver.

"I can't find a baby bank near me but I’m going to keep looking. If I could be gifted toys for Ceejay, that would be amazing," she says. "I could donate them back when he's outgrown them to help other families.

"The sense of feeling stuck and in a downward spiral is something many families now face. No mum should ever feel the pain of not being able to give their child a birthday present."

BELOW is a selection of baby banks by region. See the web address at the end of the page to find contact details for all the country's baby banks

Baby Basics Bolton & Bury, West Lancashire

Baby Basics Carlisle, Cumbria

Baby Basics South Lakes, Cumbria

Baby Basics, Cleator Moor, West Cumbria

Trafford Little Bundles, Lancashire

TippyToes BabyBank Preston, Lancashire

Salford Baby Bank, Lancashire

Snowdrop Doula CIC Burnley, Lancashire

Cascade Baby Bundles, Audenshaw, Cheshire

The Baby Room at Spinners, Leigh, Lancashire

The Healthy Gems Baby Bank, Oldham, Lancashire

NCT Mid Cheshire

NCT Preston Baby Bundles, Lancashire

KidsBank Chester, Cheshire

Motherwell Pass It On Baby Bank, Winsford, Cheshire

Hyndburn Baby Bank, Accrington, Lancashire

Growbaby Newcastle, Tyne & Wear

Love, Amelia, Sunderland, Tyne & Wear

Birth Bath and Beyond, Scarborough, North Yorkshire

Clothe and Feed South Shields, Tyne & Wear

Clothe and Feed Sunderland, Tyne & Wear

Rosie's Corner, Hexham, Northumberland

Stockton Baby Bank, County Durham

Darlington Baby Bank, County Durham

Baby Basics Darlington

Growbaby Hull, Yorkshire

Little Acorns Baby Bank Durham, County Durham

Hartlepool Baby Bank, County Durham

Growbaby Teeside, Thornaby, Stockton-on-Tees

Baby Basics Leeds, West Yorkshire

Baby Basics Doncaster, South Yorkshire

Leeds Baby Bank, West Yorkshire

Baby Basics Sheffield, South Yorkshire

Birth Bath and Beyond Scarborough, North Yorkshire

Bradford Baby Bank, West Yorkshire

POPI Baby Bank Keighley, West Yorkshire

Rainbow Baby Bank Heckmondwike, West Yorkshire

Stepping Stones Baby Bank Wakefield, West Yorkshire

Calderdale Lighthouse, West Yorkshire

Tiny Hands Baby Bank Pontefract, West Yorkshire

Growbaby York, North Yorkshire

Ashley's Birthday Bank, Christchurch, Dorset

Baby Bank Network Bristol

Baby Basics Gloucester, Gloucestershire

Baby Basics Cornwall

Baby Basics Plymouth

Brighter Bristol Storehouse, Bristol

Baby Basics South, Ilminster, Somerset

Growbaby Tiverton, Devon

Children's Storehouse Plymouth, Devon

Uplift Tiverton, Devon

Exeter Baby Bank Network, Devon

Little Lighthouse Baby Bank Wythenshawe, Manchester

Baby Bundles Wiltshire

The Nest Project, Bath, Somerset

Gloucestershire Bundles, Gloucester

Open Door Exmouth, Devon

Forest of Dean Baby Bank, Gloucestershire

Small Stuff Baby Bank, Radstock, Somerset

Stroud District Kid's Stuff, Gloucestershire

Teignmouth Baby Bank, Devon

Ten Little Toes Baby Bank, Cowfold, West Sussex

Growbaby Swindon, Wiltshire

Baby Bank & Beyond (South Wealden) CIC (Hellingly), East Sussex

Sebby's Corner Borehamwood, Hertfordshire

Stevenage Babyshed, Hertfordshire

Baby Basics Billericay, Essex

Growbaby Whitstable, Kent

Growbaby Aylesbury, Bucks

Baby Basics Bromley, Kent

Best Start Baby Bank, Eastbourne, Sussex

Basildon Borough Baby Bank, Essex

Growbaby Maidstone, Kent

Growbaby Rayleigh, Essex

Baby Basics Chelmsford, Essex

Growbaby St Albans, Herts

Growbaby Hemel Hempstead, Herts

Precious Bundles Colchester, Essex

Fighting Chance Baby Bank, Petworth, West Sussex

Baby2Baby, East Sussex

Baby Basics Brighton

Baby Basics Dover & Deal, Kent

Baby Basics Englefield Green, Surrey

Baby Basics Folkestone, Kent

Baby Basics Willvern, Essex

First Days Reading, Berkshire

Baby Basics Hastings and Rother, East Sussex

Baby Basics, Grays, Kent

Baby Basics Shoreham, West Sussex

NCT Winchester Baby Bundles, Hampshire

NCT Woking Baby Bundles, Surrey

Pelican Parcels Brighton and Hove, Sussex

Baby Stuff Braintree, Essex

Tots 2 Teens Colchester baby bank, Essex

Stripey Stork, Reigate, Surrey

Sunshine Baby Bank Southend, Essex

The Baby Bank HQ Havering, Essex

The Baby Bank HQ Thurrock, Essex

Community Wardrobe Chelmsford, Essex

The Baby Bank Windsor, Berkshire

Growbaby Storehouse Ashford, Kent

Moses Basket Brentwood, Essex,

Growbaby Chelmsford, Essex

NCT Little Bundles Baby Bank Chichester & Arun, West Sussex

NCT Baby Bundles Sevenoaks and Tonbridge, Kent

Mama to Mama, Margate, Kent

Home-Start West Berkshire Baby Bank, Newbury, Berkshire

Growbaby, Wokingham, Berkshire

The Baby Bank HQ Barking, Dagenham and Redbridge, Essex

Baby Basics Portsmouth, Hampshire

Baby Basics Guildford

Baby Branch Southampton, Hampshire

Baby Necessities Southampton, Hampshire

Portsmouth Baby Bank, Hampshire

Baby Basics Jersey

214 SPACE Baby Bank Hub Brent

214 SPACE Baby Bank Hub Hammersmith & Fulham

214 SPACE Baby Bank Hub Kensington & Chelsea

Growbaby Lighthouse, Sutton, Greater London

Growbaby, Newham

Growbaby, Merton

Bromley Brighter Beginnings

Growbaby Purley

Baby Basics, Barnet

Cariad Baby Bank, Harrow

Growbaby Kingston upon Thames

Choices Boutique Islington

Cornerstone Baby Bank Leyton

Growbaby Wandsworth

Baby Basics Sunbury

Growbaby Enfield

Ealing Salvation Army Baby Bank

The Small Project South London

Tiny Toes, Tiny Feet, Northwood

Camberwell Baby Bank

Orchard Baby Bank, Woodford

Peabody Toddlers Clothes Bank, Ilford

Pram Depot Wood Green

Little Village (London-wide)

Mammakind Baby Bank, Greenwich

MerryGoRound Islington

Growbaby Hoxton

NCT Redbridge Baby Bundles

Hackney Children & Baby Bank

Ilford Salvation Army Baby Bank

Mama2Mama Woolwich

Lloyd Park Children's Charity Baby Bank Walthamstow

The Extra Mile, Hampton, Richmond Upon Thames.

Brierley Hill Baby Bank, Dudley, West Mids

Baskets of Joy Leicester

Growbaby Leicester

Alice Charity, Newcastle under Lyme, Staffordshire

Growbaby Northampton

The Arches, Nottingham

High Peak Baby Bank, Buxton, Derbyshire

Growbaby, Nuneaton, Warwickshire

Growbaby Bedworth, Warwickshire

Bicester Baby Bank, Oxfordshire

Elayos Baby Bank Birmingham

Baby Basics Wolverhampton

Growbaby Birmingham St Michaels Church

Baby Aid Birmingham

Baby Basics Warwick

Baby Godiva Coventry

Growkids Coventry

Baby Basics Chesterfield, Derbyshire

Baby Basics Long Eaton, Notts

Baby Basics Leicester

Baby Basics Northampton

Baby Basics Hinckley, Leicestershire

Growbaby Birmingham Vineyard City Centre Site

Tots in Need Walsall, West Mids

Spark Baby & Children's Bank Staffordshire

Staffordshire Baby Bank, Stafford, Staffs

Telford and Wrekin Baby and Toddler bank, Shropshire

Clothe and Feed Wallsend, Herefordshire

Little Stars Shropshire

Karis Baby Bank Central Birmingham

NCT Malvern Hills Baby Bundles, Worcs

Little Cherub's Baby Bank High Peak, Derbyshire

Growbaby Worcester

Baby Basics Dryffryn Clwyd Denbigh

Baby Basics Vale of Glamorgan

Baby Basics Newtown

Baby Basics Swansea

Baby Basics Port Talbot

Baby Basics Wrexham

Cwtch Baby Bank Cardiff

Baby Basics Penrhiwceiber

Cariad a Cwtch Baby Bank Llandrindod Wells

Growbaby Cardiff

Pembrokeshire Baby Bank

Splice Baby Bank Bridgend

Bundles Baby Clothing and Birth Support, Newport

Bethel Baby Bank Port Talbot

NCT Cardiff Baby Bundles

Ely Baby Bank

Feed Newport Baby Bank

Bairn Necessities, Glasgow

AberNecessities, Aberdeen

Growbaby Fife

Baby Bank Scotland, Hamilton

Bairnecessities Aberdeenshire

Bear Necessities Airdrie

Togs for Tots Dundee

Glasgow Baby Food Bank

GRA Baby Bank Aberdeenshire

Nelly Boxes East Renfrewshire Baby Bank

No 1 Glasgow Baby & Family Support Service

Tiny Treasures Baby Bank Oban

Button and Bows Baby Bank Perth

Cumbernauld & Kilsyth Care

Misty Glen Baby Bank Fort William

Dingwall Primary Baby Bank

Moray Baby Bank

Monklands Baby and Family Clothing Aid

Abi's Footprints, Sudbury, Suffolk

Baby Bank Norfolk

Baby Basics Lowestoft, Suffolk

Baby Basics West Norfolk

West Marsh Baby Bank, Lincolnshire

Suffolk Baby Bank, Bury Saint Edmunds

Baby's Basket, Lincoln, Lincolnshire

Growbaby Thetford, Norfolk

Growkids Norwich, Norfolk

Fenland Family and Baby Bank, Cambridgeshire

GrowKids Cambridge, Cambridgeshire

Little Family Baby Bank, Sutton On Sea, Lincolnshire

Little Treasures Baby Bank, Horncastle, East Lincolnshire

Little Bundles, Cambridge, Cambridgeshire

Baby Basics Antrim & Newtonabbey

Baby Basics Ballymena

Baby Basics Belfast

Bump2Baby NI (Mid-Ulster Baby Bank)

Baby Basics Banbridge

Baby Basics Causeway

Baby Basics Magherafelt

Baby Basics Mullavilly

Growbaby Enniskillen

Carrickfergus Baby Bank